[censored] to [censored] is the twelfth episode of The Grand Tour. It was released on Amazon Prime on 27th January 2017.


Film Edit

The trio travel to Wank, Germany, where May drives a Bentley Bentayga, Clarkson opts for Range Rover Autobiography, and Hammond chooses a Jaguar F-Pace. They plan a road trip on the Romantic Road via Kissing, Bavaria, then Petting, Bavaria, to F**king, Austria. After passing Landsberg Prison, the presenters stay overnight in F**king.

Back in F**king, Clarkson and Hammond suggest to May that they should skip Wedding and head for the Nürburgring instead. May is displeased as he hates the track. A mistake in the voice recognition of May' navigation system leads them instead to Nuremburg. Instead of racing around a track, the trio use a local quarry to perform timed laps in. Clarkson cheats by climbing a hill and crossing the water to beat Hammond and May's times by two minutes.

Track Test Edit

Opening the show, Clarkson test drives the Lexus GS-F, driving past many animal-like figures. The American then takes the car around the Eboladrome, where it is one of the slowest cars put round the track so far.

Conversation Street Edit

Sting: Hammond gets hit by a wrecking ball.

The trio he trio discuss Mercedes new idea of renting out your car, just like Air B'n'B. However, the presents don't really like that idea due to the emotional attachment they have to their cars, likening it to seeing an ex with her new boyfriend. Or, in Hammond's case, hiding in a cupboard and watching them have sex. Then they bring up a website that lists the population of cars in the U.K., with the Citroën Saxo and Vauxhall Calibra 16V nearing extinction while the Morris Ital numbering at 47 in 2016 - up from 35 a year prior.

Celebrity Brain Crash Edit

Back at the tent, Tim Burton is the guest on Celebrity Brain Crash. To avoid the pitfalls of underwater mines that killed Chris Hoy in last week's episode, he opts to arrive via a mini-sub. However contact is lost with the vehicle, and sub decompresses. Hammond and May blame the Loch Ness Monster is blamed.

Tent Location Edit

The Grand Tour tent is still in Loch Ness this week, mainly because May and Hammond are convinced the Loch Ness Monster is real. Clarkson is slightly more skeptical on the matter.